NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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