She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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