remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
