Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
