i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
