Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
