my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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