so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
