Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
