yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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