Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
