Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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