Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
