"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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