Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
