do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
