Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
