It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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