chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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