I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
