real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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