my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
