I puked a lego.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
