the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
