My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
