I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
