as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
