I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
