The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
