Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
