I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
