You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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