i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
