I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
