I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
