I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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