He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
