I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
