he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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