Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
