I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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