Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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