While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
