I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
