Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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