i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Alive.
So much puke
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
