I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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