he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
