Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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