his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
