Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
