Need sex. Gaining weight.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
